BOLLOX

Unfuckingbelievable. We were broken into AGAIN. This time the thieves made off with a rich haul including my crappy computer, my ancient stereo (it had a cassette player. I'm not lying.), the second hand x-box I got my kids for christmas, and my $50 dvd player.

This being the second time this has happened (refer to blog posting 'what I did last summer') I've had enough. I waited until 11pm for the police officer to actually come over and view my trashed house, then til 1.30am for the evidence dude to show up with his fluffy make-up brush and special fingerprint tape. He told me he got some good prints, which I am pretty sure are from my kids (watch them storm my house and arrest my kids for robbery...) When you live in the murder capital of your state, robberies already comitted are low on the totem pole.
I decided I would move to a better neighborhood until I was informed by the good folks at ADT home alarm systems Who Protect The White House And Fort Knox that I failed the credit check and so could not purchase an alarm system from them.
If I can't pass a credit check for a $30 a month alarm system, obviously I'm not going to pass any rental credit checks.
At this juncture I'm trying to develop some kind of solar-powered vat of boiling oil which would be always ready to drop from my roof onto any intruder.
It just makes sense.

Getting ready for a party.

This is my philosophy.
Sandra Bullock and Jennifer Anniston who are both Godesses and in my age bracket cannot find a faithful man/any man at all respectively.
I have a heap of smart gorgeous funny female friends with tiny bottoms who are with men much further down the food chain than they are.
SO, all you're getting from me is minimal hygiene, semi-clean clothes, and I'll brush my hair in the car on the way if you're lucky.

A lovely dinner

I was invited to dinner this past weekend. This was exciting for me; it's a well known fact that I don't get out much. The people who invited me have a gorgeous house, the style is 'Rich European Ecclectic Chateau'. I don't know them very well, but I always get invites when a French speaker is needed, and they had a French houseguest so I scored. We dined on lamb, asparagus, carrots , potatoes, homemade lemon ice cream and strawberries. It was delightful.
I received compliments on my son who made a rare appearance (his girlfriend is out of town for a week so he deigned to join us), of course I couldn't simply accept these compliments because i am British, I had to instead point out his many failings. However I tried to look on the bright side when, after cataloging his misdemeanors I finished with "Well I can't really complain-at least he's not drinking or on drugs".
My hosts' oldest is in rehab.
Which I knew.
I'm pretty sure I salvaged the situation when I distracted them by talking about my student who has MRSA The Super Bug That's Highly Contagious and Resistant to Most Antibiotics and his weeping sores.
Like I said; I don't get out much. Now you know why.