Happy New Year

You know those days when you find yourself in a strange man's house in a warehouse district and you're there to give him a massage and you say "Do you have any aches and pains?" and he says "I just got out of prison and the beds were really uncomfortable"...
Yup. Start as you mean to go on. (Hey if I'm writing this then clearly I made it out alive)

Project #24: sheets and pillowcases

So I took these:

I added dye, thread and hours of sewing with a blunt needle and I ended up with these:

I was going to crochet an edge on them but I decided I really liked the simple look of the blanket stitch.

Project 23: Thanksgiving Hearts

So I've been making stuff like crazy, now that I have a couple of days off it's time to post it all.  Here are three heart pillows I made, one of them I started about five years ago and finally finished this past week or so. Still on a mission to use up all this damn yarn....

Project #22 Avengers bunting

In addition to hoarding yarn, I also hoard fabric; FYI.
I've been meaning to make bunting for ages, and I finally got around to it this weekend.

Of course I did it super last minute as a birthday gift for an 11 year old-I started making the bunting after I was already supposed to be at the birthday party...

I could have gotten much better shots of this bunting if I had made it during the daytime.I got the Avengers fabric from Joann's Fabrics and I really like it, I have more and I'm thinking of what else I can make with it.

I have since made a bunch more bunting in different fabrics (including old clothes and sheets), and I will be posting it all shortly for your viewing pleasure.

Project #21 Baby blanket

It's a well known fact that I rule my house with an iron fist. When I say 'Jump' my kids say "How high?".

I attribute this to my awesome parenting skills. I am consistent and reliable; there are no 'mixed messages' here.

Anyway, I digress. I finally finished a baby blanket I started for a coworker I no longer even work with, whose daughter may or may not have graduated already.....

It looks pretty good, now if I only knew someone who was having a baby...

"How's the new job?" "I'm glad you asked...."

Six weeks in to the new job and here is a short synopsis of situations involving students on my caseload so far:

Day Two: 
Student described in a meeting as "ruining every class he was in last year" is expelled for bringing 5" knife, being high, long track record of bullying.
Student in wheelchair drives chair off the curb, chair falls over, student bleeds extensively from the head, I call the firefighters/paramedics, student goes to ER.
Student who is undocumented,homeless, schizophrenic, spent the summer in psychiatric ward, shows up unexpectedly at school.

The Next Week:
I meet the the family of one of my students-they are a prominent local family half of whom are in prison having been convicted of murdering a local journalist
6'2" deaf blind student strips completely in the teacher's mail room. Student is swinging at petite aide who is trying to get his clothes back on him. Big 'safety officers' will not help her as they say "we're not trained for that". I help her get him dressed.

Week After That:
The parent of one of my students disrupts a meeting, causes a scene and is banned from campus for 6 days.
Student with Down syndrome is caught sneaking back on to campus having left in the middle of period to buy a grilled cheese sandwich which he hides behind his back. When I question him about it he tells me "It's not a sandwich it's a back warmer". I give him detention. Later on he tells me "I've got some bad news I don't think you're a good fit for me"

Last Week:
Undocumented student is accused of indecent exposure/masturbating in the library. I have to take his statement.
Vision testing proves so intolerable to one of my students he runs away from my group, kicks the wall, runs up and down the hallway yelling "I just want to have fun! Who here just wants to have fun?" , tries to start a revolution but is voted down by the rest of the students.
Student with Down syndrome figures out he can buy me extremely easily with coffee. On Friday morning he brings me a latte and gives me a hug.


Today is Monday but there were no students, it was a training day. Don't worry. I'll have more tales from the dark side soon enough.

Project #20 crocheted baskets....obviously

As part of my ongoing efforts to avoid being featured on Hoarders (Season 6), I've been on the lookout for ways to use up my goddamn never-ending yarn collection.

                           

                                         Yes this is what my yarn stash looks like. Maybe.
So I've been dabbling in the dark arts of crochet lately, and I spent a lot of time recently trying to figure out how I could crochet a basket and then I came across a pattern and I thought... "That was easy".
And then I got a bit carried away.

                                     

 
                                                I even made a basket that was actually a hat:

I have more baskets that I'm working on because....why not right? It doesn't seem to be making a dent on my stash but now at least I have baskets to put my yarn in...

Project #19: Airstream

So Every August Burning Man comes to town. This means a visit from one of my oldest friends in the world Miss Hypnotic Gastric Lapband. She is such a veteran of burning man that she has her own 37' airstream that she bought just for burning man. Such is the dedication this naked hippy fest inspires.

                                 

When she purchased her airstream sight unseen from Craigslist, she thought "What could possibly go wrong?". When she finally got it to California (from Maine) and realized it was full of rat feces and in extremely poor condition, it was too late to do anything about it except bust out the hardcore environmentally unfriendly cleaning products and get on with it.

For many years we told people we were sisters, and if there are any survivors from those years (the 80s in NYC were basically clubs, drugs and AIDS) they are out there still thinking that we are, in fact, sisters. In the spirit of sisterly love, I made new curtains for the airstream. They were pretty fun I have to say. Due to the severe short term memory loss of Miss HGL (she did survive the 80s in NYC after all..) she did NOT take a picture of the finished curtains in her airstream at burning man. I guess we'll have to wait for her to forget to take a picture at next year's burning man....

Project #18: Let them eat cake

Cake is always the answer. When I left my old job in July I made two white chocolate cheesecakes, a red velvet cake and a chocolate cake with whipped cream and berries and brought them to school for all my peeps. Almost seven years at that school; in the beginning some of the staff really dragged me over the coals-they thought I didn't have the chops for the job. After working side by side in the trenches with our special kids through thick and thin, the sublime and the ridiculous, the dangerous and the hilarious we became one big family. I miss them and the crazy work they do. We had no pay raises the whole time I was there, the company nickel and dimed us at every step, the administration didn't back us up when the chips were down...and that's why I'm glad I left. My staff have left and some of my other colleagues too, so it's not the same any more, but I have only fond memories of the people that work there every day with some of the hardest kids to work with. They deserve cake EVERY DAY.

Project #17

It is October already!

Summer was a long time ago , and there are projects from way back then that still need to go up. I started a new job, still in special ed, and it has been overwhelming and exhausting like most new jobs at the beginning. I'm hoping I'm starting to find my stride as I need my energy to post the rest of this year's projects- mark my words I'll get 52 up by the end of the year...

This fabulous creation is me obviously , wearing a cowl I knitted for my sister when we were on Orkney. The wool is from Orkney sheep, and if you smelled it you would know that....

Orkney is a magical place. I hope I'm back there again one day.

Project #inmydreams

 I wish I had made these incredibly beautiful chairs.....

I saw them at the Royal Highland Show in Edinburgh, look up her incredible work at 

 Www.rustiqueinteriors.co.uk

My trip has come to an end. What an amazing two weeks it has been, and a sad but lovely goodbye to dear old mum and dad. And on we go.

Saying goodbye

Yesterday we said goodbye to dear old mum and dad. We left them in this beautiful place that they loved so much; a remote island so far north that the sun sets at 11 pm and rises at 4 am.

Project #16

I really hate apple. Did you know I really hate apple? Their over-priced hipster merch makes me sick. They made $10,2 billion in profit in the first quarter of this year; no one needs to charge $600 for a phone when they are making that much money every three months. They make their shit in China just like everyone else, pay low wages, make their workers work long hours-they are Walmart masquerading as American Apparel.

Obviously with such high principles it will come as no surprise that as soon as I had some money in my grubby little hand I practically ran to the apple store to buy an ipad mini. Here's the cover I made for it, no time/expense spared (I'm leaving for the Motherland in about an hour).

I know, I know; you thought you'd seen the exact same thing in the apple store. Well you haven't, I made it myself out of stuff I had lying around.

Project #15 More Fun With Wine Crates

Here's a picture of my porch and yet another wine crate I used as a planter...,

Project #14 Rock Garden

I keep on digging up rocks so I figured they may as well have a garden theme...

Lucky #13

Look mum I made my bed!

This was hard work over a couple of days; I dug out part of my garden (obviously the roses and the wisteria were already there) and made a new flower bed. My daughter helped me edge it with more rocks from elsewhere in my rock-filled garden.

I planted a bunch of seeds, because buying plants from the nursery is expensive and we have the climate here to grow from seed so it would be foolish not to.

Chelsea Flower Show, here I come......

Project #12; six years in the making

I started making this blanket for the 10th birthday of a family friend. He turned 16 three weeks ago...
Last night we drove over to his house and gave him the blanket. I'm sure it was his best gift ever. Give yourself a bonus point if you spotted my cat's tail in this photo. It's been perfect weather for a nice cosy blanket...

Onwards and upwards-at the rate I'm completing projects I'll be fine if I can just extend my lifespan to about 160 or so.

Project #11 Back to the Stone Age

Twenty down, twenty five thousand to go.....
If I paint every stone in my garden and sell each one for $1 each..I could pay for HBO..

At the movies (in 1989...)

Before there was 'Taken"...

before there was 'Taken 2"...

..and WAY before there was Taken 3 (yup it's filming, click the link if you don't believe me) , Liam Neeson was playing the same gritty, out-for-justice character that we see in his later work in the sadly under-rated classic of the 'Hillbilly Revenge' genre Next of Kin.

The surprisingly stellar cast of this cinematic gem includes Patrick Swayze, Helen Hunt, Ben Stiller, Bill Paxton, Adam Baldwin, and, of course, Liam Neeson of Ballymeena Northern Ireland playing Briar Gates, a Kentucky hillbilly.

 A hillbillies versus mobsters story (think Cowboys versus Aliens- yes, many great ideas were purloined from this movie), this film has it all; life, death, love, revenge, stereotypes, fiddle playing, shoot-outs in cemeteries, attacks with red paint and a school bus full of snakes-what more could you ask for in a movie? I would give you a plot synopsis but I would truly hate to spoil it for you. How was Next of Kin overlooked and Roadhouse becomes a cult classic with articles lauding its 25th anniversary in Entertainment Weekly?

Never say you didn't learn anything profound and useful from reading my blog.

You're welcome.

Project #10: The Stone Age

I've been doing some gardening (which I love), and this is basically what my soil looks like:

Rocky Road anyone?

Fantastic. When life gives you rocks, what exactly do you make? Rockade?? Needless to say I have decided to use these rocks to my advantage, and there will be a few different rock-themed projects coming your way (contain your excitement; please) starting with felted rocks. Let's face it, how can your life really be complete if you don't have a few felted rocks to cherish? Felted rocks are versatile and extremely useful. Obviously.

 

Wool Roving and Thor

Wool roving is what you use to make felted anything. My cat likes it...and then in the picture below; a selection of the finished felted stones. I will try felted soap eventually, once I've used every stone in my garden in an awesome craft project.