Good night

What a day.
Three restraints, three crying kids, two tried to bite me, one tried to stab me with a pen, another tried to slap me. Had to get a tetanus shot last week for some scratches on my hand that were DEEP not as in meaningful but as in painful. Rushed to turn in grad school application, deadline four days ago, rushed to pick up daughter from school. Came home to surprise visit from psycho Dad ( our court date is this Friday), rushed daughter to soccer practice rushed to grocery store brought daughter home went to do two massages came home going to bed too tired to crack any jokes.

Religious connotations

On the long, silent drive home at 11pm last night, I pondered my relationships with men. I realised that my most succesful and enduring relationships have been with men who are either gay or imaginary.
Then I realised that this effectively makes me a nun.
I am a Plain Clothes Nun. Is that the same as an Undercover Brother?

Cool mom

Let me just tell you-you're never too old for Middle School Shame. Tonight was my daughter's first dance ever, I took her and her friend and walked them in (past the teacher I insulted via email who I now see on a daily basis) because after sitting through an hour and a half of soccer practice I really needed to pee. Her brother is chaperoning the dance as he does not want any boy within 10 feet of his sister (hey, works for me!) so basically my whole family was present when I got stuck in the toilet.
This week was training week at my school, and we had a presentation on child abuse; I believe it is considered a form of abuse when the parent extensively and repeatedly embarrasses the tween/teen in front of their peers...

School Daze

First day of middle school for my daughter. Boohoo they grow up so fast etc etc.Unfortunately she has the same teachers that her brother had- I advised her that even though she carries the Name of Shame she can prove that she is not a juvenile delinquent simply by going to class and doing the homework. Yes my son, it really would have been that simple. Last year after being booted out of his fabulous private high school my son ended up at the Worst High School in the country (possibly the world). Due to all the credits he brought with him, he was able to graduate a year early...except that he FAILED English (he was possibly the only native speaker in the school). So then he had to go to summer school, instead of being a camp counselor and hanging out with college chicks all summer long. He was grounded, obviously, so he told me there were after-school workshops he was attending, like the 9 hour poetry workshop that ran til 8pm...hmmm. Busted, he then tried to cut class to hang out with his friends. I stormed the school SS style, scared the teachers, my son got busted AGAIN, and I kicked him out of the house. He spent his summer living with a Mexican family who loved him, and hitting up his private school friends on the weekends, swimming in their pools, playing basketball on their basketball courts, and then on Mondays being driven to school by his friends in their hybrid vehicles that I could never afford. It wasn't quite the mean streets life lesson I was hoping for, but he passed his class and graduated from high school so I suppose that's the main thing right?
Anyway, I took my daughter to school this morning and you know when you see that teacher that you sent that email to when you were really tired and pissed off and it was quite long and said things like if you don't like teaching maybe you should get another job and if sarcasm and condescension are such great teaching tools maybe I should incorporate them into my own teaching and a bunch of other stuff that you can't quite remember and you realize she's still your kid's teacher and you have to smile at her and say good morning?
Me neither.