Cable news

Another Saturday night. I'm watching Pirates of The Carribean, just me and the cats. My daughter is in her room reading, what's up with that? Hasn't she ever heard of TV, cable, computers? Technology? What the hell????

I remember this movie; I took my kids to the midnight premiere and fell asleep. How is it that I have 100 channels and everything is so boring?

In the 'free' section on craigslist...

"My Betta fish, Dalton, needs a home for the Summer and beyond (I'm moving to Canada and I don't think he'll survive the trip). He's named after Patrick Swayze's character from the masterpiece film Road House. Dalton is very easy to take care of, just some food everyday and his water changed every now and then. He comes with food, and other betta/fish supplies. Let me know if you want him!"

Um, really? A masterpiece? A fish named after Patrick Swayze? Canada? Issues on so many levels...

Holiday Spirit

St Patrick's Day tomorrow. Should I take down the Christmas tree now?

It still has a faint smell of pine and lights are so twinkly....

Birthday Accomplishments

My son celebrated a birthday yesterday; he is nineteen now. In spite of the fact that he has dropped out of school and has no job I am trying to Always Look on The Bright Side of Life, because I live in America now, where everything is awesome. So, my facebook status yesterday;
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY________, 19 AND STILL WALKING UPRIGHT".
There's always something to celebrate if you look hard enough.

Thought for the day

When I asked my son what the giant stack of pizza boxes was doing in my kitchen, he replied "It's an art piece I'm completely insulted". I had been gone for five days. He followed this up with "I'm an artist mom. It's the life I'm choosing to lead."
It seems to me that for the vast majority of species on this planet, a male of almost nineteen years old would be reaching the end of his years; an elder and possibly a leader of his herd, pack, whatever.
Only a human male of this age is unable to live alone and look after his most basic needs without significant assistance from domino's pizzas.

Another day...

It's 9pm, I just took off my boots (finally) and sat down on the couch. I'm having to balance my laptop in one hand and type with the other because both my cats are sitting on me. I'm wondering how I can sew my trousers while the cats are practically wearing them; I'm trapped under the cats now and the DVD remote doesn't turn on the television. (Who knew).

In a recent conversation with my son I said the following; "I didn't give you that money so that you could take your hedgehog on a trip to San Francisco".
Let me just say that when I was a young girl growing up on the mean streets of South East London, I never thought that one day those words would be coming out of my mouth.
Then again I didn't expect my daughter to ask me if, on the weekend, she could go and hang out with a group of boys in a drainage pipe (....a snap-off? Sharks v Jets? A drag car race? John Travolta and Olivia Newton John?). She is supposed to be the voice of reason in our house. I told her she lost me as soon as she said 'group of boys'.....oh the endless joys of parenting.

Tell it to the judge

Your Honor, I am happy to have my marriage to Mr ___ declared null and void. That marriage was the worst eighteen months of my life and I have no problem with an anullment.

What I DO object to however, is the attempt by Mr ___ to besmirch my character by accusing me of bigamy and fraud. This is a ploy on the part of Mr __ , which he hopes will somehow serve him in our upcoming child custody case. As I showed the court on October 4th 2010, the laws of bigamy do not apply here , pursuant to CFC 2201a. There was no fraud perpetrated on Mr __. He knew I was married, we discussed it; we met with a lawyer and discussed it.

By all means, let us resolve the issue of this marriage today, but let the record show that
I am guilty of neither bigamy nor fraud.