Fitness tips

I went to Granny Water Aerobics yesterday. I've been going for just over a month now, I started with the premise that in order to be the fittest in my age group I had to go somewhere where I would be the only one in my age group.
It's embarrassing getting your butt kicked every week by a bunch of seniors, but whatever.
My elbow had been killing me as I had unwittingly braced myself with it whilst restraining a student a few days ago. There were four of us and one of him, and he is maybe 12 or 13. I laid accross his legs with my full weight and he still managed to move me around, hence the bracing with the elbow thing. (The Granny Aerobics sorted it right out, and it feels fine today). Retard strength is real; I can attest to that and indeed I used some of my own last night when I caught the bouquet at Tony and Tina's wedding and two drunk women tried to snatch it from me. (I picked one of them up off the ground-she was small and old and she shouldn't have tried to steal my fake flowers. She had it coming).

Dude, it's college, seriously.

SO tomorrow my wayward son starts community college. Of course I am unbelievably grateful for the community college system here in the U.S; it's how I got my B.A, and how a teen with a miserable 2.1 GPA still gets a shot at university, but......'Elementary Japanese' and 'Religion, Magic and Witchcraft'?
I can only assume he's preparing for the Hogwarts Semester Abroad program.

Catwoman.

A fish, a gerbil, a rabbit; those are pets. A cat on the other hand, is more like a felony-you get 15-20 years for those.

Christian Inspiration

Given that this is Sunday, I would like to share a spiritual message texted to me recently;

"U r ruining her" [ my daughter's] "future STABILITY as a WOMAN!!!If u continue in ur ways, may GOD punish u accordingly and curse YOU. Clearly ur the abuser."

It's all fun and games until someone gets plagued by locusts.

Saturday Morning

Why does my garage smell like a cat toilet?
Oh wait, I know why.

The Season of Sharing

It's hard to get in to the holiday spirit after my cat peed on my new bra.

Tristesse

The saddest thing I've ever seen is three children (14,12 and 7), standing together, their hands on a coffin, saying their last goodbye to their mum.