The Season of Sharing

It's hard to get in to the holiday spirit after my cat peed on my new bra.

Tristesse

The saddest thing I've ever seen is three children (14,12 and 7), standing together, their hands on a coffin, saying their last goodbye to their mum.

What's it all about?

You know those days when you're being sued for bigamy and fraud, when your mental ex-husband threatens to 'have your head' if you give your daughter the H1N1 vaccine because it's a government mind-control conspiracy, and you're listening to npr on a Power Rangers head transistor radio in your car because your stereo keeps getting ripped off?
Everyone has days like that. But then you find out that the Mum of your daughter's best friend finally lost that battle with cancer and died, leaving behind three young kids and a husband who really loved her, as well as siblings, parents, friends who are all devastated .
Sometimes you have to quit your whining and just get on with it.

Nine lives

My whole house smells like cat pee.
I don't think I can be a crazy cat lady unless my cats use a litter box instead of the floor, kitchen table, dining room table, my clothes or my bed. I think my cats might be possessed by satan. (Oh no wait; according to my ex husband that would be me). I have come up with the following solutions to my dilemma:
1. Taxidermy. I think this might be expensive though.
2. Getting different cats, telling my kids they are the same cats but that they entered the witness protection program so their appearances had to be altered.
3. Getting rid of the cats by dubious, unsavory means and telling my kids "they went to live on a farm in the country".
4 Duct taping maxi-pads onto my cats. I just met a dog yesterday who wears diapers and his owner tells me she uses maxi-pads because they are much cheaper than pet diapers.
5. Bringing my cats into the forest and telling them;  "Go and gather wood and leave a trail of breadcrumbs so that you can find your way back."

It's all fun and games until somebody loses an eye...brow?

Last week one of my students plucked out one of their eyebrows and ate it, hair by hair.
Just in case you were wondering.

Good night

What a day.
Three restraints, three crying kids, two tried to bite me, one tried to stab me with a pen, another tried to slap me. Had to get a tetanus shot last week for some scratches on my hand that were DEEP not as in meaningful but as in painful. Rushed to turn in grad school application, deadline four days ago, rushed to pick up daughter from school. Came home to surprise visit from psycho Dad ( our court date is this Friday), rushed daughter to soccer practice rushed to grocery store brought daughter home went to do two massages came home going to bed too tired to crack any jokes.

Religious connotations

On the long, silent drive home at 11pm last night, I pondered my relationships with men. I realised that my most succesful and enduring relationships have been with men who are either gay or imaginary.
Then I realised that this effectively makes me a nun.
I am a Plain Clothes Nun. Is that the same as an Undercover Brother?