Dinner is served.

So obviously there seems to be a chocolate/ice cream for dinner theme running through this blog. Well just to totally throw you off (both of you), I had cheez-its for dinner. So there.

Make an appointment won't you

I feel like a Katy Perry song. Yes I'm up then I'm down-you know. Whatever. I have a paper to write, I don't have time to sit here chewing the cud with you. I think I'll eat chocolate and then go to bed. That sounds like good plan that will advance my overall life goals quite nicely thank you.

Raindrops on noses and whiskers on kittens

Today I had the inside of my nose waxed, one nostril at a time.
Why?
Why not? I say. It wasn't as painful as I thought it was going to be, and when my nostril was plugged up with wax it looked like the nastiest, crustiest snot you ever saw. When the wax was pulled out it looked like a tiny waxy hedgehog.
Tomorrow is Easter sunday and I'm so sick of both my kids that I think I'm going to go and eat all the chocolate I bought for them because they really don't deserve it.
That sounds like an excellent plan; I will waste no more chocolate eating time here.

Another day...

My cats drink my bath water. I choose to think this is because they love and adore me ( not because there are unidentified foreign objects floating in their water dish).
Clutching at straws is both valuable and necessary in these crappy times. Today I had a twelve hour work day, which I began completely exhausted. Needless to say, I finished it even more exhausted and then got to listen to rude harrassing messages from friends and family about how I never pick up the phone.
Let me tell you what I was doing when you called:
a) Getting slapped in the chest (hard)by L, the spitting ninja.
b)Writing a detailed teaching plan the goal of which was to have C participate in any activity for a period of 6 minutes before attacking somebody
c) Explaining the concept of dating to a 14 year old with severe autism. ( Like I know)
d) Doing a massage on a person with extreme gas, and being trapped in the greenish haze of stank for an hour.
Of course that's not all I did today, I'm just covering what I was doing when you were calling leaving me rude messages. After all that, I went to the store and ate a tasty dinner of easter chocolate.

Happy Anniversary Darling!

Wow. It's been a year since I started this pathetic, whiny blog. To my three loyal readers I say 'Thank you !' and " Yes we can!" (?).

Report Card

I'm so sick of you
I want to drill into your teenage head
And put some sense in there
For a change
Your three Fs and a D
Obviously you're trying to kill me
But luckily
For me
You know everything
About everything
And I
Am just
Chopped liver.

A stitch in time saves nine

There's a new sherriff in town.
OK not really; it's still Sherriff Haagen Daz, but there's a new flavor.
A pint of 'five' (ice cream made with only five ingredients) brown sugar flavor, is just the job after one of those days like today when your car begins to smoke profusely as you drive to work, forcing you to pull over and jump out because you think it's about to burst into flames, then you call the tow truck which tows it to the shop who tells you it's no big deal then calls you back to say sorry actually you need a new radiator and do you really want us to fix it because your car is really old and it has 220,000 miles on it and wouldn't you rather look for a new vehicle and you're like well yes but no because I can't afford it so go ahead and fix it and they're like ok and then when you pick it up they show you all the knackered old parts they had to pull off it and they give you the bill and it's $800 and you're like totally fucked.
(Sometimes ice cream is not enough; you need see's candy too).