support your local library

I went and joined my local library today, just so that I could get the final book in the series of teenage vampire novels I have been reading.

You know you're in the ghetto when the biggest section in the library is automotive manuals.

In spanish.

I found the teen literature section and my book was not there. The librarian told me they didn't have it yet, even though the book came out three weeks ago.

I'm tempted to do what I did with the third book, which was to buy it from Target and then return it the next day after i finished it. ( I really don't need to own the evidence that i spend my spare time reading teenage vampire romance novels).

The second book I read in Barnes and Nobles, and the first one I actually bought on amazon for $6, and then suffered constant ridicule FOR DAYS from my teenage son who had a lot of feedback about my age versus my reading habits.

Today one of the cats peed on my bed, which only added to my deep-rooted conviction that everyone, domestic animal and teenager alike, is conspiring against me.

Indian Giver

Periodically ( i.e, related to my period), I think about moving to India. 

I would live in a beautiful open house, I would have servants to do my laundry, cook and clean for me and I would lead a graceful,  gracious life. How would I support myself? That's a little more hazy, but given that most American jobs have been outsourced to India I could probably get one of those jobs answering the phone for Lands End or LLBean. 

My life would be fabulous and I would eat delicious Indian food everyday that would be prepared for me by my servants who would rip me off behind my back because I'm a westerner but I wouldn't care because my life would still be so cheap. I could have loads of animals and my house would never smell like shit because my servants would take care of it. I could have tons of plants and they would all stay alive because my servants would water them.

 I could single-handedly bring back the empire all over again.

Philosophical reflections

Sometimes the Road Less Travelled seems too far off the beaten path. Sometimes the Road That Leads Straight Into A Pile Of Shit just feels like the right choice for me.

My life as a TV show...

I'm watching a re-run of 'Will and Grace' and I'm so struck by how similar my life is to Grace's. I love that show.


Of course, I'm really fat, have two kids, unsuccessful, broke, old, on my way to Crazy Cat Lady status, and all my gay BFFs are either dead or in longterm committed relationships and living in homes they own... but apart from that the resemblance is absolutely amazing.

Another day at the office...

So my day went like this.

I was practicing job interviews with one of my students;

" Why do you want to work here S?"

"Homer Simpson ate a doughnut"

" How much is a cd?"

"$19,000"

"How much do you want to make a week S?"

"$2"- he seemed pretty ready for the workforce. In the meantime, out of the blue, T ran over to our p.e equipment, grabbed two hard plastic baseball bats and then sprinted over to another student and started beating him windmill-style, before we even had a chance to cross the room and drag him off. Simultaneously, D started ripping the clothes off his body (he eventually went home to the group home wearing only the collar of his tee shirt and pants with one of the pockets torn off).

Actually I saw J tear up his jacket with his teeth on the yard today; he has strong teeth. J's not one of my students but if he is also being groomed for work I think they should train him to pull semi trucks with his teeth and put him up for The Guinness Book of World Records. I think that's just as realistic as having S work in a music store.

So back in the classroom T2 had a tantrum and tried to bite two staff who were trying to make him sit down in his seat.

M was sitting at his desk eating play doh and boogers, he dug in his nose until it was bleeding pretty badly, then he wiped his nose and face with his hand, smearing blood over his whole face and making it look like he had just been in a car wreck.

At this point I can't even remember what our other students were doing, then I was in the bathroom washing M so I missed a chunk of drama while I was out of the classroom.

Luckily for me, I need to work somewhere where there is a high insanity quotient, and obviously this school fits the bill pretty well. If only it paid the bills pretty well.