This is a universal law known to everyone in the Industrialized West, so in keeping with my new and improved law-abiding persona I recently acquired two kittens from the Crazy Cat Lady on my block.
When I was in her house/litter box, overwhelmed by the five adult cats, random small dog and the five to ten kittens she has at any given time, I enthusiastically told her " This is great; this is what my life is going to be like when my children leave home!" -because I'm trying to embrace my destiny.
I was not allowed to choose the kittens, she assigned them to me saying " I guess I could let you have these two.." so in spite of the fact that I only wanted one cat, I came away with two which is OK because I'm obviously heading down that road anyway, so I may as well start as I mean to go on.
As substitutes for other humans in your life I have to say kittens don't contribute to rent or bills and they can't drive or pick up your kids from anywhere, they can't even take a message for you or empty the dishwasher, but this could be because they are babies, I don't know what adult cats are capable of.
As for affection, they jump out of the litter box, run and jump onto my bed, walk accross my forehead leaving grey paw prints and then try to lick the snot out of my nose-at 6am, because they are hungry. From what I can gather, this seems to be exactly like marriage.
My teenage son loves our kittens because, like him, they sleep all day and then party all night. My daughter loves them because they are 'so cute'.
The kittens work for me because now that I have four jobs and I'm gone all the time and my life sucks just as much as when I had NO job, I feel slightly less guilty about leaving my kids on their own, and on the rare day when I don't have to be somewhere at 8am and I don't want to get out of bed at all, ever again, that snot licking actually gets me moving.
